“I hear voices in my head, they console me, they understand, they talk to me.” —Theme song for WWE wrestler Randy Orton.
It's a song, a thought, I know very well. I have had voices in my head, all my life. There are times I have better conversations in my head, than I do with other people. But I am getting ahead of myself, another problem of mine.
As long as I can remember, I look at life differently than others. Even as a child, I found rather interesting ways to play make-believe. I know most kids did, but most kids grew out of it. I never did.
Looking back at my childhood, in the 70's and 80's, I am convinced I have had, and still do, ADHD. The difference is that was before they tested for such things, and far before any treatment. Which makes me happy. Because I think I would be lost without my voices. I know I would be lonelier.
Imagine sitting and watching television, but you are sitting on the remote. The channel, changes from time-to-time. Shows change going from one thing to another, back to the first, and then onto another. Now imagine you have unlimited picture-in-picture, so now shows are overlapping on each other, making it hard to concentrate on one, or all. That is how my mind works.
I can lie down for sleep, and my mind can work on a scene, while I fall asleep. But if my mind wants to work on that same scene, wonder what to do for dinner tomorrow, try to remember my sixth-grade teacher’s name and want to argue song lyrics? Sleep will not be something I see for a while. It's even worse, when I wake up from a deep sleep to this line of thinking.
Some nights, I can clear it out quickly and easily. Other nights it takes a couple of hours, to settle things down. Still others I am up for the day, after two to three hours of sleep.
Truth is if I wrote down all these scenes and dialogue, and expand on them, I would be one hell of a writer. After all, the first novel I wrote and tried to market, I literally dreamed up the two main characters and much of the original storyline.
I mean for two nights I woke up around 3am, with the bios, looks, names and almost everything else for the two main characters in my head. I got up wrote them down, both took up about two pages, and went back sleep. Then I would wake up with scenes and storyline pretty much done. It was a matter of writing it down, and making it fit like a puzzle.
Now that I want to get back to writing, I guess I need to get used to this again. Even this started as a night where 20 thoughts were running through my head. After two hours of tossing and turning, my mind went to the Randy Orton theme. The rest of this took about 30 minutes to put into words.
The clock reads just before 5 am. I think I can get back to sleep for a couple of hours. I will look at this later, reread it, make sure it makes the same sense later that it does now, edit it, then post it as my first post on my first blog.
Welcome to my world.
